EJ Manuel and the Jackassery of the Buffalo Bills


The Buffalo Bills have decided a journeyman QB on the verge of retiring is a better option to “win now” than the 2nd year QB they drafted in the 1st round.

Go ahead and read that again. 

EJ Manuel is a failure. Those of you saying it’s too early to judge him probably prefer Miracle Whip to Mayo and secretly hate your mothers.  Sure he got hurt his rookie year (failed to get out of bounds while scrambling, his fault IMO) but excuses are for when your significant other finds “vomit porn” in your search history. 

NFL: Buffalo Bills at Chicago BearsSt. Doug can say all he wants about this move being an opportunity for EJ to learn from a veteran (he did survive Dallas ya’ll, and Dallas has Ebola so that’s no joke) but its not like Kyle Orton is some accomplished thrower of the pigskins. No matter how you spin it this is bad for EJ, but like all things Bills I expect he’ll be starting again by the end of the year, probably by way of Kyle pulling a groin while taking off his jorts after an epic display of day drinking on a Monday.  That being said lets get back to where I was, huh? 

What do we know about EJ Manuel?

From all the info I’ve gathered off the internet and a few bathroom stalls in the Tallahassee area he’s a high character guy with a work ethic that rivals the one really old guy that works at every Wal-Mart because he’s lonely and Wal-Mart is happy to exploit old people cause they are cute when they smile and you get to walk passed them really fast before the mothball and coffee stench make you remember how uncomfortable they make you feel. 

What I’m trying to say is that no amount of good effort and moxie and fleeting cuteness is enough to turn an old smelly guy into a franchise QB. So probably EJ is done in Buffalo, but not before he plays a few more games at the end of the year at a level just high enough to make the mouth breathers believe he may just be the future after all.  

Rest easy EJ Manuel apologists, since the Bills used two 1st round picks (you’re welcome Browns fans) to secure a WR, EJ will still have a chance to reclaim his job next year unless they piss away a 2nd round pick on another QB destined for a mediocre NFL career. Heads up Pegula, just let Kyle drive the bus until 2016 and let your new GM and HC have a chance to fuck things up on their own.  

Just so we’re clear, EJ doesn’t deserve all the blame for not being good at his job. Everyone has a boss, and when your boss is a fucking idiot it doesn’t help. EJ got saddled with a bush league OC that all the “real fans” loved because he came from the sperm of another guy who worked for the Bills years ago and also wasn’t good, but hey, fuck it, the name was familiar and people are stupid.

It doesn’t stop with Nate.

DougMarrone_USAToday_834759691The (ass)whole organization signed off on the idea of bringing in Doug Marrone (no NFL Head Coaching experience) and allowing him and his invisible track record of success to choose “his guy” to be in charge of the development of a rookie QB.  I’ve made sounder life decisions after downing ½ a bottle of whisky and pissing off my balcony, which is directly across the street from the police station so what I’m saying is that I’m a fucking idiot and I wouldn’t have signed off on that jackassery. 

Lost my train of thought and I’m too lazy to read whatever I wrote so the moral to the story is this; Don’t wave your dick off the balcony when the cop shop is next door. Also EJ Manuel was a fucking failure and will never be more than a backup QB no matter how much moxie he possess. 

If you’re into fantasy footballing I think this is good for the WRs, honestly how could it be bad? EJ checked down more times than I’ve masturbated to vomit porn. (Its closer than you think) 

Small print – Wal-Mart does not exploit old smelly people. 



Just another opinion with an asshole.


professional web hosting by Bluehost Inc.

Back to top | Contact | Affiliates | Google+