March Sadness - Fuckboi Four

Featured image via DrawPlayDave

Editor’s Note: This isn’t a mean-spirited competition, it should be an opportunity to laugh, even if it is at yourself. Don’t take yourself too seriously. This is pure satire, all spelling errors are intentional.  

Here we are fokls its the final four aka the fuckboi four. Before I dive into the last 4 Id like to thank Football Savages for having me host this tournment for you. Its important that once a year we gather round and join hands to figure out whose the worst at something that we are also bad at.

NOTE TO PETE PRISCO - (if your not Pete Prisco you cant read this its only for him) Pete congratudulations on somehow defeating Skip Bayless. I have no idea how you did it but this was a NC State verse Houston upset. I think its because you tweeted it out to your followers who love to hate to follow you that you got all those votes. Even if you dont win it all just the fact that you made it this far is a victory, so congrats, and once again I didnt create this bracket.

The Final four are in an they are STRONG


Darren as weve learned recently, has a habit of repsonding to his own tweets. Omar, on the other hand has a habit of just transcribing the conversaton going on in his head. Personaly as someone who, like the rest of America, dosent care whether the Miami Dolphins exist or not, dont pay that much attention to Kelly. Honestly I have never watched a Miami regular season game, I just root like heck for Brian Hartline and assume there going 7-9 again. Covering as inconsequental of a team as the Dolphins and somehow establishing yourself as a world-class sad tweeter is a feat in itself. Thats like a Titans beat writer getting a pulitzer.

But hes not match for Rovell. Darren is like the Patriots of sad twitter and he is about to deflate-gate Kelly balls in a walk off.

On the other side we have …


The adventures of Pete and Pete are back folks on Nickelbackelodeon. One guy who spends all his time in the film room vs a guy who spends all his time in the steam room with Goodell.

If Prisco somehow managed to score a interview with Goodell heres how it would go:

Prisco: Whens the all 22 coming out of the game that finished two minutes ago???
Goodell: I have a restraning order against you.
Prisco: Concussons arent real.

And what else can I say about Peter King that he hasnt allready wedged into a anecdote about a recently dead celebrity? The man is a master of working his own story into any possible. If Peter King was a live during the start of World War Two hed mention how one time he vacatoned on Oahu and how hopes his scuba instructor that he didnt tip was ok.

Anyways you slice it, we are in for a real treat of a champinoship game- my pick is Rovell verse King, but vote with your heart as you see fit folks. God bless you all.



Delivering barrelfire NFL strongtakes at Football Savages, Kissing Suzy Kolber and SB Nation. Theirs the door if you cant handle it. Email = [email protected]


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