The most anoying trend in modern sports media besdies parity accounts is the rise of the advance stats and metrics industrial complex. When I played, the only time someone tried to count anything was whether or not coach could count on you to put a pinecone in the sophmores butt to toughen them up. Nowdays youve got boutique sites popping up left right and center trying to tell me why football shoud be played on a spreadsheet instead of on a literal battlefield of war-men.
Why would you trust your info to a guy name Nate Silver whose name is literally latin for “Born in Second Place” folks? New advance stats and metrics are generaly speaking one big con-job and I want a pro job. I dont want to listen to a guy whose best contributon to society was getting Obama elected,, no offense to Nate Silver I think hes a good guy and was just absolutley heartbroken when he got discrimnated against for eating a burrito. That shouldnt happen in America.
But as I allways say if you cant beat em, cheat em. I figured as more nerds start to watch football theres a huge gap in the marketplace of a stat for REAL fans. The type of fans who are more concern about their own BAC than there teams QBR. So Im unveiling my own proprietary formula here designed specificaly to measure intangibles. Forget about Sabrmetrics folks this is labormetrics- how hard do you work when no ones watching- thats what im trying to measure.
How do you measure a negative? Well idiots, sciencists have had it figured out for years, which I can prove with all of my test results for most types of hepatitis. So now its time to just apply that to NFL football.
Thats why Im please to introduce a new stat to measure intangibles its called G.R.I.T. Its a simple formula to remember. To demonstrate were going to take a look at the absolute best QBs in the game today to measure there intangibles= Ben Roehtlisberger, Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Eli Manning, Russell Wilson, Aaron Rodgers and Joe Flacco.
Heres how G.R.I.T. breaks down=
G- Games played for one team=
Your AVAIL-ability is your most important ability. Playing hurt is a key metric thats often overlooked and so is loyalty to one city. You should allways take a hometown discount because your owner would give you more money if you were a free agent form another team- goes both ways.
R- (RPY) Rings Per Year adjusted factoring in off the field divorces etc.
MVP, Player of the Year, all of these are nothing but titles that dont take into account the true measure of GRIT- Championships
I- Intangibles- how many of his parents were coaches
You cant measure this immeasurable enough In My Opinon. Are you a student of the game or are you sitting in the back of the class with your buddys passing notes about how stoned you are.
T- Average temperature of city were they play homegames-
Self explantory. The more comfortable you are being uncomfortable. Can you deal with mothernatures winter wrath? Oh thats right I thought global warming was real- try telling that to someone playing a NFC Champonship game in Lambeau theyll laugh you right out of your Ivory tower folks.
Heres how each QB adds up:
In todays world we can do some truley amazing things with Data Vizulzation. Check it out:
So heres how we combine those stats fokls:[G(R+I)-T]= initial GRIT metric with units measured in jjWatts.
So now we take all our metrics together put them through my proprietary formula and voila weve got G.R.I.T. Not suprising that at first glance Joe Flacco and Eli Manning are the grittiest NFL QBs:
But reading any good stat should be like reading a defense. What you see is not allways what you get and Slow and steady is the mark of a grinder. So while Flaco and Eli have put up absoluteley incredible numbers on the Gritometer the perfect Grit-rating is “The Favre Frequency” named after Brett Favre who had a lifetime True Grit rating of 69.
Only a truly Gritty player wouldnt be concerned about his own personal intangible stats enough to be in first place in ANY category. They would be right in the middle on every category, so its because of this that we measure TRUE GRIT in terms of deviation from the Favre Frequency of 69 which means that even though Aaron Rodgers sometimes comes across as a wimp its because hes NOT as Gritty as Joe Flacco and Eli Manning that he is truly the most Gritty QB in the NFL at a amazingly accurate grittiness rating of exactly 69.01 jjWatts.
I hope to usher in a new age of digital anaylytics folks. One where players arent punished just because theyre not good at things like scoring points or winning indicidual games instead of championships. Its the dawn of a new era and I hope you’ll come along with me for the ride.
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