There will be no parody accounts here, just real tweets from real people talking about what went on in the world of sports.
CHRIS PETERSON LEAVES BEHIND SMURF TURF FOR SURF AND TURF
From the team itself:
VOICES OF HUSKIES:
Welcome to your new home Coach Petersen! — Shaq Thompson (@ST7_ERA) December 6, 2013
and the (unofficial) voice of Husky football:
We can debate how well Chris Petersen will do at UW, but looking at my TL, strong majority of Husky fans are overwhelmingly happy today — Dave Softy Mahler (@Softykjr) December 6, 2013
And Boise fans:
Sarkisian was 0-5 against Oregon in his tenure at UW. Peterson was 2-0 at Boise State against those same Ducks. It’s safe to say Coach Sark told the AD Scott Woodward his secret to falling up the stairs and Woodward did the same in going from Sark to Peterson. Great move.
ROBINSON CANO ACCEPTS 240 MILLION DOLLAR DEAL IN A STATE WITH NO INCOME TAX
Oh my god. OH MY GOD. THE MARINERS JUST SIGNED CANO?! This is what it feels like?! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! — Seattle Sportsnet (@alexSSN) December 6, 2013
People in Seattle are excited about Robinson Cano AND what it means about this front office. Well, at least most people.
Very valid point
3 Fake Headlines
Headline: Mariners trade Beer Runs for Actual Runs.
Headline two: Mariners sign Cano, immediately test scoreboard to see if it can display run totals greater than “3”.
Headline three: Robinson Cano excited for opportunity to practice fielding with fish from Pike Place Market, Jay-Z only catches fish with his hands in the “Roc Formation”
WORLD CUP DRAWS ANNOUNCED, FLORIDA REQUEST RECOUNT
Group G for the World Cup is Germany, Ghana, USA, and Portugal. Here are the best tweets I could find that didn’t just reference the Hunger Games. I referenced the 2000 Election though and if you got past that, thank you for still reading:
And all you need to know from the man who ran the numbers (Spoiler: not as bad as once anticipated):
TEDDY BRIDGEWATER DOES TEDDY BRIDGEWATER STUFF
“With the first pick in the 2014 NFL Draft, the Houston Texans select: Derek Carr, Quarterback, Fresno State University.” They passed on Reggie Bush for Mario Williams so if anyone could do it, it’s Houston.
DUVAL STAND UP
How about those Jaguars, huh?
Jaguars have won 3 in a row, 4 of their last 5, are still mathematically in the playoff equation, and are one of the best fanbases to follow on twitter. I’d say top 3, especially when Seattle fans got this hashtag trending nationwide:
There is nothing better to end with than that. Viral Marketing for Anchorman 2: Electric Boogaloo.
If you see great tweets (you know it when you see it) send them to me @JakeB253, our @FootballSavages account, or ask Elliot (@Elliot_Dennis) for his email and send them there. [Fake Editors Note: once you have Elliot’s email, you go right ahead and sign him up for as many online dating sites as possible. #FindElliotTrueLoveIn2014 ]
(Also, if you want any of your tweets taken down, just tweet the accounts above and we’ll definitely help you out.)