Hey Roger Goodell, fuck you.

Editor’s Note: The word ‘fuck’ was used 31 times in this article, if you include the two fucks I have here.

This was inevitable.  I tried to vent my rage at this deflategate fuckery on twitter, but apparently that wasn’t enough. I just can’t let it go, perhaps it’s the gofundme page started by some misguided, naïve, shitstain that has already raised over 10k to pay the fucking fine for the Patriots, that was the straw that broke the fucking line that was crossed. FUCK!!!!!!! I HATE PEOPLE SO MUCH, not you (probably).

Roger GOoDell has decided that he needs to make an example of the Patriots because people hate the Patriots and he, quite frankly, is a bigger pussy than the pussy of that lady that blasted out (the last 4 apparently just dropped out, but is that important, no) 19 fucking kids…. And counting. The public hates a winner, it’s natural, its fucking science to be honest. Seriously, studies have been done to prove that people hate people who are more successful than them. I got a neighbor that has a kickass Cadillac, every time I see that cunt I think, “fuck him.” Nice guy, but I don’t give a fuck.

This is the same commissioner that suspended Ray Rice for 2 games knowing full fucking well that Janay was sorry for her part in the incident, but it wasn’t until the public went HAM on the league for that bullshit that he made shit right. You see Roger isn’t in place to make the world or even the NFL a better place. No Sir or Ma’am, NO! Roger is there to get his dick kicked in so the owners don’t have to. He’s there to make more in 1 year than most high school teachers would make in 800 years.  Roger Goddamn Goodell is there to make sure you understand that life isn’t fair and that, in general, you can fuck off for thinking it is.

So what does any of that have to do with this? Who fucking knows? Why try to make sense of a decision levied by a man who has a history of making arbitrary decisions. A man who doles out a sentence and then hears the appeal and then reduces the original sentence by roughly half…. Damn near every fucking time. How the fuck is this not a topic of conversation amongst sports jourNOlist? Why do I have to endure Stephen A sucking Floyd Mayweather’s dick on ESPN, but no one is discussing the gross incompetence of the so called protector of the integrity of the GO FUCK YOURSELF Rog. I call bullshit.

And what about the game in question. The AFC Championship, Colts v. Patriots. The deflated balls were apparently discovered and corrected with properly inflated balls at the half.

1st half – 11 of 21 for 85 yards 1 TD and 1 INT.

2nd half – 12 of 14 for 131 yards 2 TDs.

Sure stats aren’t the only thing to look at unless you are amongst the group of number jockeys that jerk off to excel spreadsheets, but one could say Brady didn’t really benefit from the alleged deflating of balls. Hell, one might say that Tom and the Patriots owe the NFL a fucking fruit basket for discovering the flat balls and replacing them with balls that allowed Tom to ball out.

Look, I don’t know what the hell I’m saying at this point. I’ve washed down a couple pain pills with some beers and 1 or 3 shots (I take them from the bottle so measurements are not exact).  What I’m saying is well.

Those of you cheering the league for giving Brady a 4 game suspension and taking a couple draft picks are jealous at best and fucking stoopid at worst. Honestly, I’m betting most of you fall into the dumb as fuck category. It should be pretty fucking clear that this punishment is weaker than Justin Bieber.  For the jealous, I get it, It’s easy to hate a winner, especially a winner that has dominated it’s division for a decade.

“Our conclusion with respect to Tom Brady also are based on an analysis of the substantial and credible evidence.  The evidence does not allow us to reach conclusions as to when McNally and Jastremski began their efforts to release air from Patriots game balls on game day, exactly how long those efforts have been ongoing, how frequently they occurred, how the idea originated or the full scope of communications related to those efforts. We also note that there is less direct evidence linking Brady to tampering activities than either McNally or Jastremski. We nevertheless believe, based on the totality of the evidence, that it is more probable than not that Brady was at least generally aware of the inappropriate activities of McNally and Jastremski involving the release of air from Patriots game balls.” – Ted Wells shit.

Am I crazy or does that paragraph say that based on evidence presented it isn’t likely that Tom Brady participated in deflating balls, but that Ted doesn’t really give a fuck about that because he says Tom knew about the conspiracy? Did he go full on I TOLD YOU SO???  I think he did, and by god the holier-than-thou group of fuckbags went full tilt on Tom.  Honestly, I can’t believe the lynch mob hasn’t trampled through the streets of Boston, torches in hand, and burned Tom’s house to the fucking ground.

What’s even more asinine than this whole fucking thing is that the league has a rule in place that prohibits QBs from being able to set up their balls to their liking. This is a league that has done everything it can in the last 10 years to give an advantage to the offense. Big plays, lots of points, superstar players… that’s what the league wants, that’s what pays the fucking bills. So, why the fuck would they have a rule like that in place? Why? Because like most shit that has happened under Goodell’s rule, this wasn’t thought through or probably it wasn’t thought about. You see this is Roger’s M.O.

He is a reactionary. The NFL is reactionary. The popularity of the NFL isn’t growing because Roger is really fucking good at his job. It’s growing because people are degenerate fucks and football is a great sport to gamble on. From straight betting to daily fantasy sports to regular fantasy sports, there is no sport more fun to get hammered, place a few dollars on, and scream like a fucking madman at the TV than football.

In conclusion – I fully expect the suspension to be dropped to 1 game at most. As for the draft picks and fine, well old Roger might be able to hang onto to those as he can justify punishing the team since the balls were in fact, a fraction less inflated than they should have been. Fuck Roger Goodell is what I’m saying.


Just another opinion with an asshole.
  • Nick the Kick

    I think Goodell is an out of touch elitist corporate chum dumpster that has about as much effect on the profitability of the NFL as a Tijuana donkey show at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday. His punishments are always self serving arbitrary nonsense. That what happens when 32 rich white illuminati assholes hire a similar but less accomplished asshole (meaning he didn’t inherit billions from his daddy or ‘earn’ them by forcing third world children to manufacture consumer goods 120 hours a week for a bowl of rice and whooping cough) to publicly monitor their behavior while privately being a servile rim jobber. You’re wrong about this punishment though. Brandt should be put on the bogus ‘Commish Exempt List’ until he turns over every text and removes all doubt of his guilt. The problem isn’t the infraction or the fact it had little affect on the score. It is that in public Kraft, Bill, and Tom front that they are gonna cooperate fully and that they have nothing to hide etc. and privately stonewalling and thumbing there dicks at everyone. Even if it doesn’t help them win, this team has been breaking rules for 15 years. I will give Goodell a tiny bit of respect for taking America’s golden boy out of the opening game (which is not in the pure profit interest of the shield, they will have to do some extra fake veteran ‘honoring’ to make up the losses) Do you think Alex Smith or Andy Dalton would tell the league to get fucked if they were under investigation? They would get ass hammered. Why should Brady be any different? Now if Peyton can be put on that exempt list for paying off the grad assistant he sexually assaulted at Tennessee and get the same media scrutiny as players with human sized foreheads we will be in business.

  • @TheStreetFA

    fuck Ted Wells and his bullshit report, and fuck Roger Goodell.

  • Ryan Sullivan

    Roger Goodell is turning the NFL into the WWE.